[Me]: Dudes what the ****. Not finished packing yet? How are we going to catch the 6:00 pm train to Chennai?
[A]: Chill dude. We’ll easily make it on time.
[Me]: I like to be before time. I’m particular on that. Are K, SA and J packed already?
[A] Ya, they’re already done.
[S]: Let’s come back home after office and pick up our luggage. Otherwise its too much to carry.
All of us agree. It is not worth dragging all of it to office and then back along the same direction to the station.
4:00 pm: Still in office. I’m freaking pissed. We’re not going to be late for the train. ATM is not working. None of us have much cash.
[Me]: You know what time it is? We’ll never make it.
[A]: I’m done. Go call S. Tell K, J and SA to come straight to station. We’ll meet them there.
All done. Catch a rick outside office.
[S]: Bhaiyya, Ameerpet jaana hai. Uske baad railway station jaana hai.
[Auto]: Teek hai. Chalo.
Drives at a snails pace. S’ swearing “Gaadi hai ki bail gaadi? Uski *** mein ek ghuz*** tho !@#$”
4:50: Reach home. Run helter skelter to pick up required stuff. Tickets. Shoes. Suit for the marriage. Ticket check again. Lock the car. Check it again. All set to go, and better hurry. It is already 5:10 and bloody late.
Back to auto. Suddenly all roads clear up.
[A] Lets get hot-chips man. I’m hungry.
[Me] You are perennially hungry dude.
[A] We have loadsa time. Lets get it.
[Me] NO. We’ll be late. Train leaves at 6. We’ll get something from the station if we have time.
Super Auto reaches station at 5:25.
We get to the station to see one food-stall selling flavored milk on Platform 1.
[A] I want milk.
[S] Me too.
[Me] Me too.
All of us sipping on cold flavored milk. Notice Chennai train coming into station. Platform 2.
[A] Come. Lets go. Its on platform 2.
All of us cross the bridge to platform 2. We leisurely hunt for coach S9. Train starts moving.
[A] Lets get in quick. I think it is leaving early.
[Me] Is this our train?
[A] Ya.
[S] Sirji, yeh Charminar Express hai kya? Chennai jaata hai??
[Sirji] Haan..Get in fast…Quick..
[S] Call K and tell him to come quick. Train has already left. What will he do? J and SA will miss the train too. We have to do something.
All of us go through the bogies to S9. Train has already picked up speed.
S9 seats 59, 60, 61, 62 have some 20 people sitting on it.
[Me] Hello, is this Charminar Express?
[Hello] No its Chennai express. Charminar express leaves at 6:30 pm.
[Me] WHAT?
Houston, we have a situation at hand.
[S] Lets jump of the train. Its only a little off the station and probably 25 kmph.
[Me] Yeah children. Lets jump.
[A] NOOOOOO… Now way. Its too dangerous. Lets get down at the next station.
All of us agree. Lets go meet the TT and tell him our problem. We’re all great model citizens of India. He’ll be considerate.
[A] goes in search of TT.
[Co-Passenger] Son, this train is on a totally different route. You’ll never be able to catch the other train.
Me and S totally pissed off and wondering what the heck to do.
Short while. TT in plain clothes comes walking by triumphantly. Like a CBI guy who’s caught an international criminal.
[A] Walking. Show me your ID card sir.
Sir not bothered. Asks us to follow him.
[A] At least give our ticket back.
[Sir] Coming. You people coming this way. Coming. This way. Behind. Ekkada nichi. Next compartment lo theesko.
Compartment S7. Nice govt cabin. Lion’s Den. 3 TTs having a ball.
[Sir] Ekkada rapu moonu passenger kavali pampisthanu malli ticket nakko. (Forgive my telegu – I think he meant Ha Ha I caught them. Ticket less travel. Frauds)
[TT 1] Ippudu baito. (Sit here?).
[TT 2] Nenu rounds chestanu. (Me going for rounds. Have fun).
[Sir] Ippudu ticketsla print chestava? (Looks at the printed ticket. Shows it to other TT).
[A] Sirs. We have a legitimate ticket. But we’ve got into the wrong train. Please help us out. We din’t mean it.
[TT] Hmmm… Its ticketless travel. You have to either get down or pay fine.
[A] But we have the correct tickets for another train. Its not our fault.
S and me frantically try to reach out to someone in office to try and cancel the other trains ticket. But can’t do that, because K, SA and J are on it. Information comes that they’ve got a general ticket and converted to berth seats. Sigh of relief.
Drama lengthens. The grotesque Sir and the nonchalant TT nod at each other. Speak endlessly in telegu and show us the calculations.
[Sir] Next station is 4 hrs away. You can pay fine till there, get down and go home. Otherwise pay Rs 2000 and get seats for this train and go till Chennai.
[A] Sir that’s a lot of money. We don’t have that much.
They look at me. My visage is loaded with anguish, despair, sadness, despondency and just about every inch of my face is pleading with them to help us out. But I don’t open my mouth.
[Sir] Look, you are like my sons. You told me you are students going for interview to Chennai. I wish you luck. But we are also helpless. What if Flying Squad comes and catches us. Nothing will happen to you. WE’ll lose our jobs.
[A] Sir, we don’t have money.
[S] Sir we’ll go one round in the train..Ammma Thaaaye..and then come back.
[Sir] Do what you want. You’ll have to pay fine. So far you’ve been in 2nd class berth. That’s the max consideration I can give.
[A] Sir what can we do. We don’t have money.
[Co-Pass 1] Sir I know telegu. Rambles in telegu and tries to reason with the TTs asking them to let us go with a lesser fine.
All of them go talking really well..Nice bonding happening. But the TTs are obstinate in their verdict. Money or get out.
[Co-Pa 2] I’ll help them. How much money do you need?
S immediately jumps up and talks to a co-passenger 2 and takes him out.
[Sir] See..When he offers money he goes out. These guys are frauds. I’ve seen lots of them in my life.
[Co-Pa 1] Oh no. I don’t know anything about them. I thought they are actually in trouble. Sorry sir. I don’t know anything about them. Totally apologise. God alone knows. What kind off people are there ah!…Innocent people..Never thought. Siva Siva….
[A] Sir its not what you think….Please….
[Sir] Rs 2000. This is the break up. Pay or leave…
S and CoPa 2 return.
[S] to Me. How much money do you have?
[Me] In front of TT. I have 450 bucks. Look.
All of them see. (Thank Allah, Christ and Krishna that nobody knows how expensive the Hi-Design Wallet I’m displaying to them is, though having only some chillar at the moment)
[CoPa2] See I have 1000 Rs, which I’ll lend them. That’s all I have. I’m a poor man. These guys need help. As soon as you get down pay me. Arrange for the money somehow.
TT agrees. Some roundabaout figure of 1600 is reached. More digging of money and a little more from CoPa2 covers the ticket cost.
[Sir] Give them surrounding berths itself, so that they don’t run off. Ha Ha. (2 times with resplendent audio effects)
All’s well that ends well..We get tickets to Chennai and the journey goes on.. All of us feel elated as we’d done lot of hard work, and had lots of fun too…Food comes. Settle down to some impoverished biriyanis.
A little later.
[A] Chill dude. You look really annoyed.
[Me] I am. I have a migraine.
[S] Learnt a proper lesson in life.
[Me] Ya, never be punctual.. You end up losing.
[A] and never stop me from buying Hot-Chips Ramifications are huge..If only we had spent some time on that.
[S] Ya. If only we had stopped at some ATM on the way.
[Me] If only we had got another auto from home. If only there was more traffic on the way…If only we had jumped when it was 25 kmph..
Lets have a nice get-together after 7 years. S with his twin children, A with his one kid, and me newly married. We’ll be giving gyaan to the children…
All of us laught out loud and swear to have another life-chilling experience again.
Rewind.
[S] to CoPa2 .. Sir we have Rs 1200 with us. But we don’t want to show it to the TTs. Can you keep it with you and give it to us in dire straits.
[CoPa2] Sure !!… In filmy stlye..Just check my acting out.
Back in cabin….
[CoPa2] See I have 1000 Rs, which I’ll lend them. That’s all I have. I’m a poor man. These guys need help. As soon as you get down pay me. Arrange for the money somehow.
Winks at S A and me without the notice of the TT.
TT agrees. Some roundabaout figure of 1600 is reached.
Digs into his pocket for the Rs 200 more. S ‘s totally won over by CoPa 2’s acting.. Admires his histrionics silently without the TTs notice.
More digging of money and a little more from CoPa2 covers the ticket cost.
Chennai here we come!
